Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Grrr... Gotta Vent Somewhere and Lord Knows He Does Not Take the Time to Read My Blog!!

Every now and then I need to vent a little about CH.  Godness knows I love him but he sure does wear me out.

This morning Nag and I were driving to work and she was telling me that her friend Mel had gotten a wedding dress given to her that she hoped to use for some trash your dress photo shoots.  Nag went on to tell me that the person the dress belonged to was in a happy marriage and then got in a car accident and her husband decided it was too much to deal with.  What the heck?!  Really.  How old was he, 12?  How can he face his reflection in the mirror, let alone leave his house? What kind of a person does that?  There has got to be more to it.  He must have been looking for an out already...  I don't know but both Nag and I deal with our husbands issues daily and we stick around even though it is not always easy and it means we sometimes have to carry more than our fair share of the responsibility in the relationship.  Grrr.

So that conversation lead to her asking if CH could be trained to do anything - I think he could.  He, unfortunately, does not.  I find it very frustrating.  He would need to do something he could do on his schedule (around his migraines and taxi service for the kids), that does not require much physical output, if any.  Maybe he could work as a home inspector, or be a medical transcriptionist.  There are lots of things - in my opinion - that he could do.  If he wanted to. I think he is afraid, just like I am as I look for a SECOND job, that he will not be able to do it.  I think that he is worried that he will not have any time for himself - to sleep, or to play video games.  He gets stressed when he has a schedule that he needs to keep - maybe he is afraid of that.  I don't know.  I do know that for some reason he thinks he is disabled - totally unable - and that his disability payment is enough money - let me tell you, it is not.  Not even close. Grrr.

Since the shopped moved, it has been much slower (which I expected) and we have been feeling the pinch at home - maybe now he will notice.  Today he asked me if I had any money and I told him what I have (which is literally about $30) and asked him for what and he said "To buy you something for your birthday."  WHAT?????  I deliberately told him what I wanted when we had money in the bank from his cheque and he didn't buy it.  SERIOUSLY????  He can be so selfish.  Doesn't he see how much it hurts me? I take care of so much for him - why doesn't he take care of me?  That's all he really needs to do.  I can do it all - the cooking, the cleaning, the household finances, the parenting - he just needs to take care of me.  Is he really so wrapped up in worrying about himself that he cannot see that I need him to worry about me. Even just on my birthday - Mother's Day and Valentine's Day and maybe Christmas would be nice too but...  Did I tell you on two of those three days he had a migraine all day?  He slept through V-Day all together and drug himself through Christmas like is was some kind of hideous torture (which it actually was). Especially this birthday - the last birthday I am ever going to have... 39 forever....

Last week I went to counseling.  My counselor told me that I am an enabler.  Well duh.  Not a newsflash unfortunately.  I do everything in my power to ensure the lid stays on CH's bottle of Ativan - I need to start worrying a little more about my own!

Thanks for listening, I will be back later with a 31 Days of Pinterest post and a little more cheer.

:o)  Tina


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