Saturday, September 29, 2012

Fill in the Blank Friday

This has been a FABULOUS week! Seriously. I got my settlement from ICBC. I got a real job... I think I mentioned it before. I wanted it and now it is mine. I am not going to lie, I am a little leery. I have had way too many I-wanted-it-but-it-has-been-a-big-disaster scenarios in recent years. Out of the frying pan into the fire as they say. I am hopeful - and dare I say, a little excited!

Fill in the Blank Friday
1. My first memory is probably from when I was about 4. My cousins had a Guinea Pig that they kept out in the yard, his name was Bert, and I thought that was pretty cool. When we got Guinea Pigs this year, I asked my parents about it and they said I was nuts - there was never a Guinea Pig at my Grandma's (my cousins lived with her) so I called the eldest of the three and he told me that they did have a Guinea Pig, named Bert, when he was 10 - which would make me 4. I remember loads of things from when I was 5 and from there onward. I actually have a ridiculously good memory.

Guinea Pig and cat sleeping together
I realize this is a crap photo, but that is one of our cats,
Violet (she is almost 2, but very small for her age),
having a sleep over at Jerry and Calvin's home.
(Calvin is the one in the picture). This seems to be her
new favorite place to sleep and they do not seem to mind in the least.
So typical of our house. :o)
2. My first love was my cousin Michael's best friend, Keith Lawrence. He had curly hair, big teeth and always wore a tennis visor - even to bed - I thought he was the cutest thing ever. I spent more time than I could calculate trying to catch him to kiss him! Lauren at the little things says that her first love was her husband... I have such mixed feeling about that. It is romantic and sweet but also a little sad - I think she said she got married at the ripe old age of 23... Not that there is anything wrong with any of that. I am just glad
that I did such an enormous amount of living before I really settled down. I wish that I had not gotten married so young the first time (24) as I really knew myself and where I wanted to be and what I wanted from my life when I got married the second time at the old age of 34. H1 and I changed so much between when we met and got married and then went our separate ways. We were too young and selfish to grow together. I hope that all of my kids wait until they are at least 30. Just sayin'.

3. My very first favorite colour was pink. Still is but mostly because I feel like I need to be faithful to it - I am just that kind of guy - I also love red and green and turquoise and LOVE orange (my new secret favorite).

4. The first time I really felt like a "grown-up" was when I made the decisions to purchase Carter's Sewing Centre and move the shop down town. It was a huge decisions. Not the best one for my credit score but I learned a lot and made a lot of great friends that I will keep forever - no matter what!

5. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is stretch and rotate my poor arthritic feet and ankles, I am a slow waker-upper so I tend to open my eyes a long time after my brain has started up.

6. The first CD (cassette tape, record, etc...) I ever bought was Bon Jovi Slippery When Wet. Okay, Nag is making me own up to it, it was Mini Pops... I am so old, it was probably the first mini pops. :p

7. My first car was a 1986 Toyota Tercel hatch back that was lowered and had tinted windows and a 6 pack CD changer (very high tech for the day). It was H1's hand me down and I LOVED IT!!! He rolled it on his way to work one morning and although it does not put me in a very positive light, I gotta tell all y'all, I was more upset about the car than anything else. I had some really great times in my little Turtle.

Cheers to a wonderful weekend!

:o)  Tina

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Why is it that when I am little stressed I cannot stay away from the frickety frackin internet??

I circle around my house.  Sit in my chair and open up FB.  See more of the same old thing over and over.  Get up. Circle around my house.  Sit in my chair and open up FB.  See more of the same old thing over and over.  Get up. Circle around my house. Sit in my chair....  I think you get the idea.

Why am I stressed? Because I am bad with money and now I have to spend my week putting out fires!

We had to renew our mortgage this week.  STRESSSSFFFUUULLLL.  Anything to do with borrowing money - except from PITA - and I am a ball of nerves.  I need to pay the outstanding balance on my taxes and renew my insurance before the end of business on Thursday so I have to jump through a bunch of hoops for ICBC so that they will give me my settlement.  Jeesh.  Ativan here I come!

I have walked away having learned a very important lesson.  I read a quote the other day that summed it up perfectly... Surely would love this.  There was a reason she called me Cleopatra Queen of Denial.

Feel a little calmer now.  Writing always calms me down. Besides that, what will be will be, right? and there is nothing I can do beyond my best to make it all work out smoothly.

:o)  Tina

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Fill in the Blank Saturday :P

Owl bags and owl stuffies
Sorry for the less than great picture, I haven't taken any good
ones of these guys yet. The pink one is not done because
I have not decided if I want it to be a large stuffie or a bag.
What do you think?
Again, not Friday. I know, I should be ashamed. But.....yeah, well, I'm not.

Let me tell you about my week. Monday and Tuesday I worked at the shop and then took Penelope to dance form 4:30 to 6:30, Wednesday I worked at "the other job" in Castlegar, Thursday I stayed home to sew (made four bags and four little owls) then picked my shorties up from the bus and brought Penelope to her piano lesson, and then Friday I went to the Trail Market and the a Smokies game - that they won!!!! Woot Woot!! - and then today I went to another outdoor market, came home and took a T3 and had a nap.

The only night for the last week that I did not go to bed at like 1 am was last night but that was because I was already so exhausted I felt like my bottom eyelids were working their way up to my top one and I had to be out of the house absolutely no later than 8 this morning. So about that, why is that 8 on a Saturday is painfully early, while 8 during the week is just par for the course?  My shorties start school at 8:10 every morning and CH and I drive them together almost everyday, we leave at 8.  Yet on a Saturday I feel like I am leaving the house in the middle of the night!  It may as well be 4 am... so strange.

So, as you can see, it was a long week and I was busy, and I am pooped.  But, I am happy.  And that is what matters the most!

Fill in the Blank Friday

1. Something I am very proud of is my shorties. They are kind, considerate, beautiful (inside and out) humans. My awe of them constantly grows. The other day my 10 year old son stayed home from a sleep-over because he was worried about me setting up the Market without Nag on Friday morning - he also recently told me that I should audition for The Voice. (He is wrong. Really really sweet. But wrong on that one! I love to sing and am OK at it but OK does not sing on TV for more than 90 seconds.)

2. My favorite thing about myself is my ability to find the silver lining. Perhaps not always for myself but almost always for others. As I get older, I find that there are more and more things about me that I like all the time, it is kind of a relief.

3. My favorite colour for fall is well, I am not fashion forward person - I never ever ever have been - my favorite colours this minute would have to be orange, pink and purple (that's right PITA, I said purple).

4. Something I've been learning lately is that sometimes you have to make hard decisions for the good of the collective. I am close to making the decision.  Close but not quite there.  I would like to take a minute here to compliment CH and his amazing ability to make me feel that it is all right I am taking my time with this decision that takes us deeper and deeper into "the hole".

5. A book I am reading now/have read recently is Remembering the Bones. It's okay but not my favorite ever. I read a lot and sometimes post about what I read - you can read about that here.

6. My favorite Pandora Station is ...I had to Google Pandora Station so... no station for this girl. Not yet anyway. :o)

7. This weekend I will be trying to catch up on my sleep, getting some cooking done so we don't end up eating KD and A&W during our busy week, and of course, I need to start on a new batch of owls and bags.

I am going to get working on tomorrow's post right now, I am printed myself a journal so I can post specific things on specific days to try to be a more proactive blogger.  I need more followers, I want this blog to generate income for my sewing habit. Wish me luck - I think I am gonna need it!!!

:o) Tina

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Ghosts From the Past

This should be a Saturday Story but I have it in my mind to write about this today - Sunday.

If you are reading this and you know me personally, please know that it is not my intention to hurt, harm, or disrespect anyone. These are events the way that I remember them, the way I lived them, how I felt about them. This is only about me. Nobody else. This is my story.

Today I need to write about friendship and the realization that I had this morning about friendship and how it has affected (and effected!) my parenting as well as how I feel about myself and my own relationships.

When I was 15, I went a little nuts.  Ran away from home, et cetera et cetera.  It all happened during the summer.  By the time I went back to school my life had been flipped upside down, I was living in a foster home and nothing was the same - including my friendships.  The friends I had at the end of grade nine, were for the most part the friends that I had had since kindergarten with a few add ins along the way.  When I started grade ten, they shunned me.  They were 15 years olds, they were probably told to stay away from me by their parents - I know for sure that one was told by her older brother, she was the only one who did not listen, she was my best friend.

Shortly before I turned 16 I moved in with my Grandma in Christine Lake.  I made new friends.  Good friends.  They remained my friends for the most part, until I was in my late 20s when my life again turned upside down and again my friends vanished into thin air...  I spoke to one of them yesterday (Facebook messages count as talking right?) and it got me thinking.  A lot of thinking.  Mostly sad and frustrated, but a little happy.  Happy because I was talking to her and happy because it helped me to realize something very important.

When my kids have even the smallest problem with their friends I panic.  CH and PITA both know not to tell me about said problems because I freak out!  I go into full on panic mode.  I need to fix it.  I realized today, while doing the dishes, the cause of this crazy over mothering bat-crap lunatic behaviour is my own insecurities having been let down by my own relationships. Projecting my own experiences onto my kids...  tsk tsk.  Bad parenting.  Stupid skeleton's in my closet.

So. What this realization has done for me?  I am going to remind myself that I am worthy of having friends, I am going to be braver (at least try) about making friends and being friendly.  Most importantly, I am going to teach my children to rely on themselves, that they will get hurt but not too let it follow them into their future - not to let it effect the way they feel about themselves nor the way that they feel about friendship.

I need to leave my baggage behind and not pass it on. I need to leave it behind so that I feel worthy of relationships. I need to leave it behind so that I can really love myself.  

Oh happy days.  :o)  Tina

P.S.  Another ghost for you!

I am writing this post.  Sitting downstairs in the family room on my lap top and Penelope shouts - Mummy, there is someone at the door for you.  I go upstairs and there is a shady looking guy with an envelope at my door.  Hands it to me and off he goes.  H1 served me.  He wants the custody order from 2004 reinforced.  What a freakin' jackass.  I have never said Little Man couldn't go, he doesn't want to go.  I am not going to make him. He feels anxious and it makes him sick. He's crying because he doesn't want to go and H1 wants me to make him?  Um no.  Not gonna happen.  Does he think that the court forcing him to go is going to make him want to go???  What the heck?  Seriously.   What a jackass.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

CH Taught Me

I try to respect people and their feelings - I try to understand people and what makes them tick. I try to teach my children to do the same everyday, because nobody taught me until I met CH.  He taught me to look beyond what you see on the surface of a person to what is (sometimes hidden) deep inside - what makes them behave the way they do, what makes them who they are.  Happy or sad, kind or nasty.  Everyone ended up the way they are for a reason. The old adage of 'don't judge a book by its cover' applies to so much more than books!

I find it so surprising, almost everyday, how shallow most people I meet are.  Not to say they are vain, or only care about themselves but that they do not allow themselves to be themselves.  They do not know who they are.  You follow?

My main reason for this post?  I had a friend once who helped to perpetuate a horrible rumour about H1 (turns out it may have been true but at the time I did not want to address it), I was 25 and rather than talking to her about it I wrote her a million page letter telling her to hit the road (only not as nicely as that).  I regret that.  I was afraid.  The friendship ended anyway, so what was I afraid of?

The fact of the matter is, that from what I understand from mutual friends, this person still practices this kind of behaviour and that makes me sad for her.  I hope that one day she can see past all of her personal demons and be her true self.  I saw glimpses of that self during vulnerable moments many years ago and was not at a stage in my own growth to have realized that was what I was seeing... but I remember that I liked it. That I appreciated it because it felt real.

I hope she finds her way.

:\ Tina

Friday, September 14, 2012

Fill in the Blank Friday

Fill in the Blank Friday

1. Right now the weather where I live is perfect. Sunny and warm without being hot. My Mum calls these days Kootenay Bonus Days. Summer without really being summer.

2. The best piece of advice I've been given is ...I don't know. I think probably to close the shop. I know it is good advice, I'm just not going to take it! Well, not yet anyway, I need to try until I feel like I have tried enough.

3. My most favorite person in all the world is  ...I don't have a favorite, I have favourites. CH and my kids are all my favorite. :o( This is not a nice blank. I don't do picking favourites!

4. If I were to have a "mission statement" for my life, it would be to be kind, respectful, and understanding to others and hope that they provide me with same courtesy and that they pass it onto others. Kindness, respect and understanding are the easiest ways to pay it forward.

5. My most favorite item in my closet is my suitcase.  When I take it out I know that I am going on adventure - and I LOVE that! :o)

6. The best cure for a bad day is a warm embrace from CH and the smiles of my children's faces. I say embrace and not hug because when I feel sad or stressed and he wraps his arms around me I feel safe and comfortable and safe (I know I said that twice but sometimes it is a big deal). A cup of Tetley is also a nice addition.

7. Today is Friday! Woot! Woot! I get to sleep in tomorrow!! The highlight of my week! :o)

Well, I better get some work done my pile isn't getting any smaller and I want to stay home and enjoy my weekend. (NEED to make some owl bags).

:o)  Tina

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Dirty, a Little Crowded But Entertaining!

So in the summer I started a new part time job - you know cause I needed something to fill up my spare time. Bleck!

Anyway, the last two weeks I have been working at a clients and I LOVE IT!  I mean, really love it.  The client is a garage - dirty, lots of swearing, and I'm the only girl. The client himself has a great sense of humour, and a bit of a hard ass attitude and a really soft heart, it makes for a fun and interesting day.  I so much prefer it to being in the quiet (albeit clean) office - and the best part is, it is close to the shop so I can scoot over to use the clean bathroom, have visits and lunch with Nag, and do some blog posts! Yeah for Autumn and the changes it brings!!

:o) Tina

Monday, September 10, 2012

Fill in the Blank Monday?

I am so late - it is Monday today, not Friday!!  Boring reason too.  Nothing good or even worth blogging about - let's just say it was life and leave it at that.  I couldn't not do the blanks though, even though it is super late!

Fill in the Blank Friday

1. My favorite grade in school was grade 7, because I loved my teacher and loved the things we learned. She was really interested in Ancient Egypt and we spent a lot of time in social studies class learning about it. and it fostered a love of history in me that is still alive and well today. I also really really loved grade 12. I had a lot - some (my parents and maybe a teacher or two) might say too much - fun in high school.

2. My favorite teacher was Mrs. Belak, my grade 12 math teacher because, she was just really sweet. I don't even really know why I loved her so much, I just know I did. I took grade 11 math in grade 12 and on the school's annual skip out day (the mass exodus of all of most of the student body to nearby bodies of water) I got my friend Lisa to drive us (and another friend Mike) back to the school so that we could be in her class and not dissapoint her. I was pretty wild back then but I thought she was really great and I did not want her to be dissapointed in me. The three of us and one other student were all that showed up for the class!

3. The highest level of education I have completed is a certificate from Capilano College in North Vancouver in Office Administration. I have been thinking a lot lately about going back to school but a) where would I find the time in my already super busy schedule and b) I feel like I might be too old...I guess there is a c) as well because I am also worried about finding employment in whichever field it was that I chose to further my education in.

4. School lunches for me were usually all about the social hour rather than food. I have never been much of a lunch eater - I am still more likely to skip lunch than breakfast - but I am very social and I had a lot to say after having to sit quietly (sort of) in class for three hours.

5. The amount of money you'd have to pay me to go back to high school would be WHAT?! I would totally do it for free. In fact, I would pay to do it! I LOVED the last three years of high school. Loved.

6. A few things that will always remind me of going back to school are the intense heat in the summer air subsiding, the leaves starting to look like they are going to turn Autumn colours, and new yellow pencils.
7. The first day of school was always great. I loved being back into the routine of it all and I was (as I am this year) tired of the hot hot summer. I loved the freshness of everything - new clothes, new school supplies, new grade. Even now I feel like September is the beginning of the year rather than January.

As we being the second week of school here, I must say, I am a little jealous that my shorties get to go to school everyday while I have to be a grown up.

:o)  Tina

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Secret Daughter

Secret Daughter by Shilpi Somaya GowdaBy Shilpi Somaya Gowda 

Moving between two worlds and two families, one struggling to survive in the fetid slums of Mumbai, the other grappling to forge a cohesive family despite their diverging cultural identities, this powerful debut novel marks the arrival of a fresh talent.

Literally just put it down after reading the whole book today.  I do not normally do that but I didn't want to stop reading, it was so good! One of the best books I read all summer!

Totally recommendable.

:o)  Tina

Saturday, September 1, 2012

The Glass Castle

by Jeannette Walls

Jeannette Walls grew up with parents whose ideals and stubborn nonconformity were both their curse and their salvation. Rex and Rose Mary Walls had four children. In the beginning, they lived like nomads, moving among Southwest desert towns, camping in the mountains. Rex was a charismatic, brilliant man who, when sober, captured his children’s imagination, teaching them physics, geology, and above all, how to embrace life fearlessly. Rose Mary, who painted and wrote and couldn’t stand the responsibility of providing for her family, called herself an “excitement addict.” Cooking a meal that would be consumed in fifteen minutes had no appeal when she could make a painting that might last forever.
The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

Later, when the money ran out, or the romance of the wandering life faded, the Walls retreated to the dismal West Virginia mining town—and the family—Rex Walls had done everything he could to escape. He drank. He stole the grocery money and disappeared for days. As the dysfunction of the family escalated, Jeannette and her brother and sisters had to fend for themselves, supporting one another as they weathered their parents’ betrayals and, finally, found the resources and will to leave home.

What is so astonishing about Jeannette Walls is not just that she had the guts and tenacity and intelligence to get out, but that she describes her parents with such deep affection and generosity. Hers is a story of triumph against all odds, but also a tender, moving tale of unconditional love in a family that despite its profound flaws gave her the fiery determination to carve out a successful life on her own terms.

This was a great book - my library did not have it in forever so CH managed to find me a pdf online and I read it that way - not so fun, since I had to expand every page on my little iPhone before I could read it. After reading Half Broken Horses, I had to read it.  It was great book though, highly recommendable and very enjoyable.

Read it.  It's worth your time!  :o)  Tina