Monday, April 23, 2012

I Feel a Blog Post Coming On

I think I am a much better blogger when something makes me stressed or sad than happy.  When it is all good, I am too busy enjoying it to blog...

I am fine.  Don't worry.  I am just tired of being poor. And I am tried of trying to find a way to not be poor.  If anyone has any ideas for anything I could do to add to my business or as an aside from my business PLEASE tell me - this family needs more of an income!  We are coasting along but that is it and being stressed about it has caused me to miss so much.  I need another revenue stream, and I need it soon or this ship is in danger of sinking...  McDonald's here I come...

So my friend Jessie's brother (you got that?) was telling me that he knows some people in the UK who have a dozen or so websites and make like $6000 a week from Google Ad-words!  I suppose if I did not do everything in such a personal way, that I may be able to make it a little more profitable.  I don't know but I like to do everything with love and pride and apparently way too much heart.

What brought on this round of self pity?  I took Victoria to dance.  I hate taking Victoria too dance.  It makes me feel poor, inadequate and helpless.

Yesterday while cleaning off the front porch - which was cluttered with an enormous amount of garbage - I just about fell through the floor!  CH was not surprised (which added to the good time!) and said that he knew it was there. Not too sure where we are getting the money to fix that. Crap.

There are just too many bills left at the end of the money.  I need a job.  That scares me a little.  I think I am too bipolar for a real job.  Maybe it is just the stress since CH went on disability, but I have such a hard time feeling happy all of the time the last couple of years.  It feels like work, when it used to be so natural.

Having said all of that, I am going to take this one step further by simply saying that I think part of my difficulty with this is that I, simply, did not picture my life as being such a struggle.  I thought that I would have it easier.  I really did.  I always assumed working would be optional for me - I am the Mum.  I need to just suck it up and stop feeling sorry about it and CHANGE IT.  I always say, "If you don't like your life, change it."  I need to take my own crappy advice and find a way - where there is a will there is a way (I always say that too).

If you have a job or a job idea for me (preferably a clerical rather than service type job, due to the bipolarism) please contact me!

:o)  Tina


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