Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Weight of the World

I just got off the phone with H1.  I called him to ask about snow pants and to talk to him about ski lessons for the Little Man - you know, to make sure he was okay with Dominic going every Saturday for a few weeks in a row.  We got on the topic of Dominic doing chores and the mess which is the exterior of my house.  H1 expressed that he felt bad for me because I carry the weight of the whole family on my shoulders and I do it alone.  :(  I take care of the home, manage the finances, organize the shorties, I am the bread winner, and I have to take care of the yard work.  He is right.  I look forward to the day that Dominic is old enough to help out more.  PITA was bugging me yesterday about him mowing the lawn - that he already should be.  IF HE COULD DON'T YOU THINK HE WOULD BE SO I HAD ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT?  Damn right.  Hopefully next year...

So H1 said something about wishing that I was not so negative about Shannon (that is the step-mother - we will call her WSM from now on) because...  blah blah blah.  I stopped listening and told him why I was negative about her.  H1 and I both cheated - I got caught and therefore admitted it and he did neither - until today.  So I say to him, of course I am bitter with her, she ended my marriage.  I had a fling - a couple of days and then it was over and never happened again.  I got pregnant with the Little Man and we moved to Christina Lake to try to start fresh.  She pursued him even after we left North Vancouver and he let her!  And he fooled me until I left and saw all the things that I had not wanted to see.  And, Halla-fin-luya, he for the first time today did not deny it!!!!  Now I am mad and sad and frustrated and stuck at work by myself (thank Goodness for Blogger!).... in part because I finally have confirmation of what I have always known; in part because I have confirmation from my X-freaking-husband that my life is hard and pathetic; and partly because sometimes I feel sorry for myself (and this is clearly one of those times).

I have told my brother more than once - if you do not like your life, change it.  I need to take my own advice and make some drastic improvements quickly.  I am sinking and everyone  around me can see it (except, strangely, for CH) - even my X-husband!

Today will get better.

:o)  Tina


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