The Hypocrite Game

My brother has a crazy ex-wife.  I think we all have a crazy somewhere in our closet.  I have two H1 and CH!  Hahaha.  But really he does.

So here is tonight's story.  Long story, so pay attention.

The Little Man and my brother's daughter have a lot of conflict.  Part of that conflict comes, I think, from a sibling rivalry that has developed between them as a result of my Mum mothering her because the ex-wife was too unstable to do it for a few years so my (sweet, big hearted, sometimes a little nonsensical) brother had custody and a job that took him away a fair bit.  I think the other part of it is personality.  She pushes his buttons over and over again and he retaliates, as boys do - with physical force.  He is a strong personality and intolerant and she is a strong personality and manipulative and all of that put together does not always mesh well.  Keeping in mind that these two are 10. 10 people.

So tonight, I am talking to Nag via FB chat:

Nag: JH Waiting for the crap to hit the fan when Emily's cousin whines to his mother that I gave him hell for trying to force his way into my house. Bring it on. I'm tired of that little bully.

Me: ? What

Nag: that was JH's status..... anything to do with your side?

Since we are the ONLY side, there was then a lot of me freaking out and swearing and typing in all caps.  Mumma bear instinct kicked in at 100%.

I asked Nag to ask him to remove his status.  He didn't.  I sent him the following message:

I was informed of your status and would appreciate your taking it off. 

If there is a problem please call me at 250-364-1646 rather than making accusations about a 10 year old on a public forum. Please remember that there are 2 sides to every story.

If you do not remove it, I will assume you would like me to come over to discuss it.

Thank you, Tina

Nag and I continued to converse.  Me with a lot of swearing and typing in all caps.

I went and got the story from The Little Man who was in his room feeling like a turd and feeling very confused because I totally lost on it on him - which I never do - and, as I was to find out because of the way he was treated by my niece and subsequently JH.  My niece stole money from The Little Man ($1, but with him it is the principle of the matter and I suppose when you are 10, $1 is substantial), he followed her home to her mother's (the ex-wife), she (the niece) told him to get off their property and then went in the house.  He went and knocked on the door and asked for his money back and JH, the ex-wife's boyfriend, kicked him out.  He went to get his friend as a witness and when he arrived back there, he was given the money back and told by JH that he would make sure he never set foot on his property again.  By this time, I am so totally beside myself I am ready to get into the car and drive over there and beat the tar out of this 40ish man for trying to intimidate my 10 year old son.  I was PISSED.

While The Little Man and I were talking, JH responded.  This is what he wrote.

Hello, Tina.

First of all, this is a private page, viewable not to the public but to friends who I've added. Secondly, I did not identify your son by name, nor did I identify yourself. I referred to him as "Emily's cousin." Thirdly, you yourself should remember that there are two sides to every story considering that on 12 May, 2011, on your own personal blog, which is indeed visible to the general public, you made baseless comments about my partner, at which time you mentioned no names. Although referring to said person as "your little brother's ex-wife" isn't exactly the best way to maintain an air of discretion.

Now, if you'd like to stop playing the hypocrite game, and remove your post about Heather from your public blog, I'll remove the post about your son from my private facebook page.

Regarding your son, yes, he and Emily had a disagreement in which Emily allegedly took $1 more from Dominic than she was offered. Her mother and I had Emily give the whole $2 back. End of discussion. Regarding him trying to chase after Emily into my house and force his way past the front door, I sent him off the property and advised him that he is not welcome in my home or on my property.

I, Heather, and Emily's father are tired with and frustrated by the constant bullying your son does to Emily, be it at school, in private, or at the aquatic centre. And I will certainly not allow it to continue in or near my home.

Very well written.  I have to say I was taken off guard by that.  The ex-wife, scored herself someone with a brain.  So I wrote another, long angry message back.  I took the high road (thank CH for that) and I didn't send it.  But I did copy and past it so you can read it and I can feel a little bit of vindication.

So what I wrote was this:

Clearly you were looking for a fight with me when you posted your status, I am so sorry but I am going to resist providing you with it. It is difficult and I want to, but I won't.

If your status is not gone by the morning, I will call the police and see what recourse there is, if any. I would hope that you take the adult approach to the situation and remove a slanderous comment made about a 10 year old.

What I wrote first but did not send was this:

Clearly you were looking for a fight with me when you posted your status, I am so sorry that I cannot resist providing you with it.

Remove your status or I am calling the police. I will not have you slander my child. He is 10. Heather is an adult. And it is pretty obvious who you are talking about as well as Emily does not have any other cousins in Trail.

Baseless? Are you serious. You forget that Heather was a member of this family for several years. In my experience she IS unstable for example, she tried to kill herself - more than once from what I understand - but the incident I am referring to is the time Emily was there - alone. That is pretty unstable. In my experience she IS malicious for example, her treatment of my brother - her husband and the father of her child - the way she went about ending the relationship, the way that she treated him and the things that she said to him when they were together. Malicious. And I know she has been to you as well Jason, Emily is not a secret keeper.

Having said all of that, Emily and Dominic do not get along. Period. She pushes his buttons and he reacts. That is how it has always been. Dominic is a child and cannot be expected to be in control of how he reacts when provoked, I think he takes a lot from her. Knowing Emily as I do, I am surprised that it does not happen more often. None of this excuses the way that you treated him this evening when he was at your home.

Dominic has been told that from now on he is to treat Emily as if she were a stranger. He is not to talk to her or acknowledge her in any way. I am going into the school tomorrow to talk to their teacher and the principal to let them both know that this is the new status quo. I will not allow it to continue as Dominic's mother I am not going to tolerate his being shouldered with all of responsibility and blame.

If your status is not gone by the morning, I will call the police and see what recourse there is, if any. I would hope that you take the adult approach to the situation.

When I make new friends, I always tell them that one thing they need to know about me is that I am always late.  I think they need to know two things.  That I am late, and that I am extremely loyal and demand the same.

So anyway, the saga continues:

JH: Would you mind explaining what part of the comment is slanderous?

Me: As previously stated, I am refusing to be goaded into an argument. I am not 10, and my buttons are not so easily pushed.

If you would like to discuss this like an adult I can be reached at 250-364-1646 or you can call me tomorrow at work 250-364-1274 or on my cell phone at 250-368-7607 or you can even come over or stop by the shop to chat.

Perhaps if a face to face visit is a route you would like to explore, we can have the kids present to offer both sides of this on going story and settle it once and for good.

JH: And what about your comments about Heather on your blog? I would say there is more slander in that than anything I happend to put in my comment. As well, you use quite clear identifiers.

And allow me to add, in my honest opinion which I am entitled to under the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, section 2(b), and not as a statement which could be considered libel (or as you incorrectly refered to as, slander), it is my personal -opinion- that you and your entire family are nothing but bullies.

Again, I propose that in exchange for taking down your comment obviously refering to Heather in your public blog, I will remove my status from my private page.

Me: As previously stated, I am refusing to be goaded into an argument. I am not 10, and my buttons are not so easily pushed.

If you would like to discuss this like an adult I can be reached at 250-364-1646 or you can call me tomorrow at work 250-364-1274 or on my cell phone at 250-368-7607 or you can even come over or stop by the shop to chat.

Perhaps if a face to face visit is a route you would like to explore, we can have the kids present to offer both sides of this on going story and settle it once and for good.

JH: No thank you. Good night.

Me: That's is what I thought.

As a result I got nothing sewn and I am totally exhausted.  The worst?  I am sad for my poor son. This is making me tired.

What a night.  Stupid ex-wife's not so nice, apparently likes to pick on 10 year old boys, boyfriend (whose the bully now?).  Obviously he does not know me or my family - none of us are bullies.  My Mum and my brother are the wimpiest of wimps and my Dad chooses to avoid at almost all cost.  CH is somewhere between me and my Dad.  Penelope not even worth talking about.  Me and Josh have a big mouths and we know how to use them but that is where is ends.  And The Little Man, he is a little boy.  Period.  I am still pretty mad and it has been hours.  I think I need another cup of tea and some more chocolate...

:o) Tina

P.S.  JH, if you are reading this thank you for the material and thank you also for adding to my stats!  :o)