He's Home... Well Sort Of...

Josh. After more than two years, Josh has come home.  Well, to Grandpa's but I am hoping it is only a matter of time.  There is water under the bridge - a lot of water - but over time the water has become clear and we are happy to have him.  So happy to have him.  The child I never gave birth too but love totally unconditionally is back in my life. Yeah!

I am not going to dredge up our history - not here or with him.  We both made mistakes. We have grown and changed.  Separately so that we could come together.  We have forgiven but not forgotten the lessons we learned. My experiences with him have taught me so much about humility, parenting, and myself.  About the love you have for a child. About being hurt so deeply you think you may never heal and being surprised that all it takes for that wound to become an old scar is an unspoken forgiveness and nice long comfortable hug.

My son.  Josh.

Josh (totally letting me take a photo of him, even smiling his beautiful smile) and Penelope.  :o)

Have a wonderful Sunday evening.

:o)  Tina

You Have Never Mentioned You Have Your Cup Addiction Either

As mentioned on last week's Fill in the Blank Friday, I have never talked my cup addiction.  Well, I suppose it is time to let you in on yet another odd thing about me.

The thing is, that it is not so much an addiction as a quirk.  I have a mug that I use - and I do not use it for anything other than my Tetley (which is the actual addiction) BUT, I would not, could not use it for anything else and have specific mugs I use for other things such as Herbal tea, hot chocolate, water, milk - they all have their own mug or glass. I have almost the exact same mug at the shop that I have at home, just different colors. Is that weird?  I don't think it is weird.  The weird part comes when someone wants to use my cup or worse, uses it without asking... it is Ativan inducing.  I don't even know what to do with myself.  I am not even joking.  Pretty sure PITA understands...

This mug is by John Feesey of Cypress Pottery in Rossland, BC.
Blue one at the shop, green one at home.
Huge, keeps the tea hot for a long time.
Got my first on trade.  Second and third cost me $22 each but so worth it
Seriously the perfect mug.

The thing about me is that I am really easy going about like 95% of things.  The other 5% - NOT AT ALL.  And unless you know me inside out and backwards there is absolutely no way to predict what these things may be.

:o)  Tina

Fill in the Blank Friday

Happy Friday!! this weekend is the Little Man's birthday party... should be interesting - more than one tween boy at a time can be challenging to the ear drums.  I always imagined myself with lots of kids, I guess I imagined girls - quiet girls. :o)

1. I started my blog because I thought it would bring traffic to my online store - which I have since put on temporary hold. Funny thing is, I almost never talk about my creative side or the shop and more often than not use it as a place to talk about things in my life - happy or sad.  It has become my favorite place to experiment with writing, to talk about what is bothering me, to share something funny, and to, as corny as it is, just be me.

2. One thing I love seeing on other blogs are stories that are real and vulnerable and show me that the author of the blog's life is not perfect, you know, the blogs where people share little parts of their lives and it makes you feel as if you are getting to know them and that you are not the only one who struggles a little bit each day.  The perfection of others makes me feel even less perfect.  At 38 and 11/12 you think I would be over my insecurities, but alas I am not.  I really like to browse creative blogs with lots of great toots and images, one of my favorites is How About Orange which I have not been visiting as much since Pinterest took over my life.

3. Something I love about blogging is that it is comfortable place share and vent and put the inner me out there with little danger of repercussion or judgement. Although, last week I heard the horrible news that The One Whose Name We Dare Not Speak has read my blog, but other than mentioning it to PITA she hasn't said anything to me - if she called I would not answer so perhaps she has not bothered.

4. A favorite blog post of mine is probably the day I made a request for a Pinterest invite and got one right away. Lame, I know. I just REALLY love Pinterest. PITA's list of things about me would be my favorite but she hasn't handed it over yet.  (PS I would love to pay it forward so if you are still trying to get invited, message me and I will happily share.)

5. Something my friends in real life know about me that I've never before mentioned on my blog is ... I have to ask them cause I think that I am pretty open here. So I just asked Jen who is sitting across the room from me and she said that I have "quite a sense of humor" and here I thought I was the only one who thought I was funny! When I told her that I had mentioned that here before she said, "Well, you are much more compassionate than you let on." (sshh don't tell) and then she said "You have never mentioned your cup addiction either." Hahahahaha.  That my bloggy friends is a whole blog post in itself!

6. My new favorite blogs to read are mostly those which I covet and aspire to be. I have not been spending my usual 40 hours a week in front of the computer so I would have to get back to you on the specifics of this one.

7. Some things I tend to avoid doing on my blog are being  vulgar.  I can handle negative cause no day is perfect - especially in my poverty stricken, husband on a disability, teenagers who hate me, parents who are on the verge of disowning me (over money), family members who are evil, etc. world.  Despite all of these things, I do see the silver lining more often than not but if you do not get to see both sides you do not get to see the big picture.  Having said all of that, you don't need to see it with anything beyond a PG rating.


Have a wonderful Friday!  :o) Tina

Brought to My Attention

It was brought to my attention some time ago (via PITA who heard all about it from the one whose name we do not say) that there is no mention of my two eldest children on my blog.  The thing is, is that they are my step children and they see me as the wicked step mother and have little to do with me - and sadly their Dad and their little sibs.

I love them very much, to say that I love them as if they were my own children would be a lie.  I don't.  They are not my children, they have a mother. She knows them just as I know my two biological children.  She held their hands and cleaned their dirty bums.  She has birth stories and pregnancy stories, I do not.  I do love them but is different. It is much more complicated and it is a choice.

When I was in my 20s I had my palm read several times and each time I was told I would have four or five children and on one occasion that I would "have two at the same time" which I always took to mean twins.  Since I got Josh and John I have always considered them the children I got at the same time.  They were six and nine (very close to 10) when I got them - which is the same age that the Little Man and Penelope are now which brings me a lot of clarity and with that, some regret.  I can see where I made mistakes with them - expecting too much and demanding respect.  I did not know.

Having said all of that, I have not written about them because to be honest, I am not sure what to write.  It is a touchy subject.  They are both introverts and I do not know them very well and have seen very little of them in the last couple of years.  When I have seen them it has, lets just say, not gone well.

So, the reason this is coming up is that Josh, the oldest one who I have had the most conflict with has recently (today actually) moved in with Grandpa.  I am worried.  I am happy but I am worried.  He can be pretty unpleasant but he can also be really sweet and funny.  Will the raging hormonal teenagerness given way to the man who lies in wait.  I can hope.

:o) Tina

A Funny Story

So, if you know me, you know I do not fart (unless I am asleep and then apparently I am an orchestra all night long).  In the summer when we were at Boundary Bay, I passed gas and CH and the shorties laughed for like a half hour.  If you bring it up them will still laugh. No kidding.

This evening on our way home from the Smokies game (which they won 5 to 3. Woot! Woot!), the shorties and I were waiting in the truck for CH who had to run into Safeway to grab milk and this is the conversation that took place:

Me:  I'm gassy.
The Little Man:  What does that mean?
Me:  I'm farting.
The Little Man:  Seriously?
Me: Haha. No. I need to but I am holding it in.
Penelope:  That's girly.  Good job Mummy.

Hahahahaha.  Since then I can not stop thinking about how great my life is.  Best night ever - but maybe not as good as PITA's will be since it is clean sheet night.  ;o)

:o)  Tina

Fill in the Blank Friday

1. If money wasn't an issue, the first thing I'd cross of my life list is taking a global cruise. I could really use a vacation and that is something I really want to do.

2. Mustard on french fries is something I like that other people think is weird. That and about 20 million other things. :o)

3. If my life were a movie right now, the title would be She Works Hard for Her Money.

4. Three things I am looking forward to this month are being settled in the new shop, going to a Smokies game on Satruday and the big pot of soup my Mum is making me tomorrow.

5. My favorite songs to sing in the shower is anything heartfelt. This morning it was the Dixie Chicks!

6. If I found out that the production of Tetley Orange Pekoe Tea (or China Lily Soya Sauce) was ending this month, I'd go out and buy as much as I could tomorrow.

7. One thing I'll never grow tired of is hanging out with my family. LOVE them!

So busy. Must sleep.

:o) Tina

Birthday

Today is the Little Man's birthday.  I should be happy but it always makes me so sad... we went through so much (I tell you about it later).  Sure glad I have him though.  I couldn't love anyone more than I love the two of them.  They are my right and left hands.  God, thank you for this day, ten years ago, when you made me a mother.

:o) Tina

I told everyone his face was the size of a loonie. :o)

3 pounds 6.8 ounces - ten years later 4' 9" and 112 pounds.  :o)